records.

since now i have no archives to speak of.
i shall just record the important things that happened this year.
in case in like a few decades down when i feel like remembering these thigns.
there is something i can refer to.

so this post will be constantly updated.

3rd -5th January 2007
the all important Xplore was held.
i did not do a good job at all.
it was not good.
but i guess the only excuse i have for myself is that it is my first try at something.
everyone has to have their own first step right?
so maybe this was mine.
until today and i think forever, i would keep thinking about how differently i would handle it.
maybe that was it's purpose to make me learn and grow.
so that the next would be better.
if there is a next that's it.
but through Xplore.
i made a lot of friends.
like grew to know people better.
got to see people more clearly to.
yup.
so that's about Xplore 2007.

19th-23rd March 2007
i must never ever forget about this time.
the biggest decision that i had to make during the first 17 years of my life happen during this time.
no more sap scholar.
no more headaches and tears about csc and how i am supposed to be good at it when i know i am not.
no need for anymore lies to anyone or myself.
no more trying to kid myself to think that i can do it and be better than those who are born to do this.
but i feel bad.
i feel sorry and i know it is not a right thing.
but everyone was damn nice.
too nice.
making me feel even worse.
when one does such an evil deed.
you don't expect to get nice treatment.
scoldings.punishments.putdowns.
i wanted those.
maybe to making things easier.
that way was easier for me to put it down.
afterall. it was something that i had for quite a time.
finding the hook.
i truly did.
on the last official day of my lessons.
but you know what?
sorry, i cannot let myself continue.
this is my form of protection for myself.
do not wish to see myself reprimanding myself at the end of next year.
i have no room for error.
no chance for error.
this is IT.
so there is no way i can test or trust myself in something that i am not sure of.
sorry.
justnrp helped.
but it was not why.
it is just a little hint to what i really wnat to do.
and what i want.
guess ailyn will forever be that little selfish girl who will just do what she wants.
at the end.
i just want to be someone who enjoys what i do.
being happy with everyday life.
being contented with whatever i am faced with.
being able to smile to everyone and meaning it.
i am moving on.
then was hard.
now it is about facing the future.
ailyn will be happy girl.

the people that i want to thank.
being there was more than enough for me.

sissy
mom
pop
mr sng
mr ng
wanglao
mdm leong
fengba
an laoshi
wang laoshi
ahxin
minnie
vayl
mr cake
jiaa
yokey
amy
anting
ivy
zihui
oxy
xueling
ahwang
yuan
david
yusong
brand
randall
ivan
kat
huii
VEE!